The Delicate Relationships... Mixed Emotions and Confusion

To you, whom I call brother..

Known each other for years, yet how could you not spare a thought for my feelings..

Though easy-going am I, yet, don't you know some territories are not meant to be crossed?

Yet, how could you enter into that territory without qualms and started to attack me with arrows that pierce my heart?

The confusion, hurt and anger, do you not know or do you not care?

Have I not tolerated your ways, your temper for years? Do you think that I'm just a monkey who cannot hurt nor able to fight back?

Do our brotherhood mean nothing before your eyes?

To others who step into my territory, I kill without mercy and torture them with the most perverse ways...

But the person had to be you...

Why do you have to cause a crack in the mirror with your words?

To her whom I call my beloved...

From the first day that I met you, I wanted to know you more..

Loving you more and more with each passing moment spent together...

Your character, your beauty has captivate my heart..

Yet.. I am unsure of the feelings that you ahve for me? Is it mutual? Or is it just friends..

Insecurities plague my heart.

I slowly lose confidence and slowly fall into the pits of confusion..

To the world out there..

Am I being loved at all?

Weekend Fun..

Seems like the weekends past so fast...

Was out for dinner with ex-colleagues on Friday night.. Had Jap food and Hagen Daz ice-cream after that...

Well, as usual, chatted till quite late before going home.. Haha..

Sat night.. Dinner at Swenson and KTV session after that... Been a while since I've sang and sadly, I can't hit the high notes anymore..

Slept at around 4am and woke up at 10pm.. And slept through Sunday..

Haiz.. Work again tomorrow...

Hmm.. Everyone seems to be changing blogskins.. I feel like changing also.. Waahaha.. Anyone has any ideas for me???

Breaking Away..

Well, today had a break after work..

Went to watch the movie, "Kungfu Panda".. It was so totally crappy that I laughed for most parts of the show.. Haha..

Well, kind of relaxing after a day's work..

Choices.. Been quite a while since I visited this topic again.. Haha..

So now how? I may not be making any choices at all in the end..

Maybe I will continue to be alone for a few more years? Who knows..

Guess maybe it's the Virgo's perfectionist character acting up??? Or maybe I couldn't really find what I'm looking for?

I guess it's the latter..

Like they all say.. 被爱是最幸福的，爱人是最痛苦的...

得不到的爱，为什么还要那么执著呢？？？

Maybe I just can't find the love I want, the love I need?? So, it's not a matter of criteria fitting.. That's secondary..

Well.. Everything's still in question marks for now..

And I can be, and is that stubborn..

Looking Back.. Testimonials..

I was just being bo liao and read through the testimonials I got from my primary school and secondary school..

Common things found written in my primary school testimonials: Brave, kind, cheerful, helpful, unselfish and smart..

Then some gals said I was nice, cute, handsome, friendly.. Waahaha... Sounds contradicting.. Cute = Ugly but adorable. Handsome = well.. Handsome.. Wahahaha... And one ended with.. "Stay cute!~!".. -__-"""

There was this comment where my friend said I was the hero of the class.. -__-""" I can't even remember what I did.. What hero??? But I guess it's the audacious things I did ba..

When was I kind? When was I unselfish and helpful??? I smart meh?? I didn't even study loh!~! Hahaha... Think my primary school life was interesting..

Oh yar.. There was this time when we had a primary school reunion a few years ago.. My class rep actually divulged to me that the teacher asked her to sit next to me because I'm good in my studies and can teach her.. I remembered that time and I was like -__-"" ... I need to sit and communicate with a girl???? Faintz.. Wahaha...

From Secondary school gal friends.. Don't know me well because I don't mix with gals.. Wahaaha... Yar.. that's very true.. Can't believe I was that shy right??? Hahaha..

Oh yar.. One comment was that someone admired me for my devotion in attaining my dreams.. Hmmm... Yea.. And the usual comments that I'm kind etc etc..

I read this ultimate one from Ah Hau and part of it goes like this.. "However, I don't really like the way u handle (project) things when cooperating with you. It feel like working with a d**ned joker. But it may be your happy-go-lucky way which makes you popular.."

Ummm.. But I am a Project Executive now!~! Wonder if my bosses feel the same way.. Wahahaha..

Ummm.. I popular in secondary school meh??? How come I don't know???? Maybe because I'm the joker??? Hahaha...

And it continues on with, "Observant is what amazed me most." Wahaha.. I think I agree with this.. Hahaha...

Ok ok.. But I have my LL and XL times..

Ok ok.. I'm getting egoistic already from all the testimonials.. Haha..

But really.. Looking back at things, I don't even know I was that popular, nor did I realize I'm the hero in my primary school..

I only know that I'm the power person in my University.. Think my name really spreaded that time in the school and among the school staff when I fought the school for my Law results from P1 to Distinction... Wahahaha..

And sometimes I wonder.. Why is a perfect guy like me still single??? Must be because of the pimples and holes on my face, my underweight body, my smoking and my clowning around and people don't know when I'm serious and when I'm not..

Wahahaha... Ok ok.. I'm egoistic.. :p

Of Food & Alcohol..

Went to an ex-colleague place on Friday night for some gathering... Had vegetarian food and some games.. And endless complaints about work from others.. Haha.. Quite enjoyed the session except from the heat...

Saturday's events..

1) Jon msn-ed to go IT show in the morning. Agreed to it
2) Rach sms-ed me asking if I'm going to IT show. Cause she'll be around town to pierce a hole in her ear lobe.. Told her my plans and was ok..
3) Cheryl sms-ed me asking if I'm going to IT show.. Told her our plans
4) Arranged to meet at Boat Quay's Timbre..
5) Reached Boat Quay's Timbre and there was some event's going on..
6) Moved to SMU's Timbre.. We met up all there..
7) Queued for over 1 hour plus before we gave up and left for Clarke Quay..
8) Had some desserts at Clarke Quay first.. And woah.. The double chocolate mud cake is ultimately super loh..
9) Proceeded on to Kandi Bar for drinks and chat..
10) Terence joined us with his friend a while later..
11) Drank a few bottles of Heinekin and started to talk rubbish and went mad..

Shit! I think I went quite mad last night.. Can't exactly remember what I said and done.. Wahahaha.. But who cares???

Yap.. Had fun over Friday and Saturday.. And I'm still a litte blur-ish now..

Sat Night Fever...

Saturday...

Finally had my steamboat at Ju Ju Hokkaido Hotpot... Had it with a friend and eat till very very full...

And I walked all the way from Selegie to my place... -__-""" Quite an accomplishment I would say..

Before I could get up to my home, my friend sms-ed me.. Asked me to go chill-out...

But before meeting him, I have to visit the toilet.. To release some food out.. If you get what I mean.. Wahahaa..

So.. We went to Timbre yet again.. This time round, both of us ordered a bottle of Martell.. $170+ for a bottle.. At least I think the price is ok..

And we drank 3/4 of a bottle within like, 2 hours plus??

Yea.. I have de-proved... Over the past few years, cut down significantly on alcohol already.. What's a bottle of Martell to me last time??? Now, couldn't even finish a bottle even when sharing with a friend.. Wahaha...

Well, Timbre's a real nice place to chill out.. The music, the crowd... It's just great for old man like me.. Haha..

No Ah Lians or Ah Bengs... Lots of chio gals to ogle at.. Wahaha... Yea.. A place of great music, alcohol and pretty gals.. What else more can I ask for???

But having a bad hangover now..

Mid Week... And Changes

Wednesday... When will the weekends come??? Haha..

Hmmm... Recently, haven't been talking much with her...

Feels like both of us are drifting apart..

No more whinings from her, no more crapping.. No more arguing and complaints..

Drifting apart.. Doesn't feel right in my heart...

Does it mean I'm no longer wanted?? I'm no longer needed???

Don't really know... Just let things be, I guess...

Over the Weekends

Friday night... Finally bought the toys for my nephew...

After which, met a friend for dinner.. Supposed to have steambaot at Paradiz Centre's Hokkaido restaurant.. When we reached there, it was closed for renovations..

So, we walked to Plaza Singapura.. Had dinner at "Lao Bei Jing"... It was a great dinner.. Talking about the past and crapping all the way till 10 plus..

The we walked to Paradiz Centre's bus-stop to catch a bus... Coincidently, met Ah Hau taking the same bus as us and yea.. The crapping continues on the bus.. Hahaha...

Saturday night.. Went to Geylang Lor 27A for the Yong He's (You Tiao Da Wang) for supper.. The standard has dropped greatly.. Really cannot make it anymore..

Then again, we crapped till 12 plus.. Hahaha..

My friend commented that I look very "zuai" (aka "xia lan") when I smoke.. -__-""" I never knew that loh....

Anyway, it seems like it's been a good weekend for me again..

Oh yar.. The conflict between me and my colleague has been resolved by Tuesday night...

Received an offer letter from my University to study honours.. But have to take it over at Australia..

Was still thinking of whether should I go to Australia, find a job there and continue on with my honours... Was tempted but I guess not as I have commitments and responsibilities here...

My eldest brother came back yesterday and "how lian" with me that he will have a degree with honours soon while I don't have and he will study for Masters and be higher than me in educational level..

WTF... Make me "du lan" only... Haiz.. Think my family too competitive liaoz.. Can't even slack for a moment...

Should I proceed with Masters then??? Hmmm.... But Masters in what and at where??? Hmmm...